“i want to scream instead i paint”

“the opposite of war is not peace, it is creation.” -Jonathan Larson

This piece was created July 2025, after what felt like a long hiatus from creating work. I was catsitting for a friend who had a spacious studio apartment, with enough floor space to roll out big paper to make a piece. 

When undergoing periods of time without making art, my body begins to ache in a way that feels like it is shrinking or caving in on itself. The ongoing collapse and destruction happening in the world around me echoes and rattles within the inner world and psyche. The body craves release, craves expression, craves a way to emote, to grieve, to process, to exhale what it has been holding in. I do this practice as a ritual, as a meditation, as an act of rest and liberation, as a way to mourn, as a way to get back into the body, but also to go deeper, into the psychic-heart, into the wound, to pull it out into the open, where it can expand, alchemize, tell a story, transform into something tangible, something that is a part of me, and a reflection of what I am processing and integrating. 

I start with an offering, lighting loose incense. I choose materials, tools, colors, medium, based loosely on what is available and what my intuition beckons to me. Every choice is a response to what feels right for the body, the psyche, the heart. I make without asking questions. I make as the cat watches and comes over to say hello. I stretch, cry, breathe, and be with the piece. I give gratitude for the time-space container and what happens on the page. I become the tool, the vessel, the painting, the creation. It sets me free, gives me reprieve for a while…